I picked up the November issue of Ebony Magazine on which the beautiful ladies of the Best Man Holiday adorn the cover. Great movie by the way that provided the audience with lots of lessons about relationships, choices and the consequences of those choices. Go see the movie if you haven’t already. While browsing through articles, I stumbled across an article about relationships and questions you should be asking your partner before you commit.
After reading the article I checked out the website, where the author, Mary Pender-Greene has 260 Questions that you should be asking yourself about your significant other or questions you should work into a conversation with him/her before you even consider marriage or a commitment.
I am by no means an expert but here are some lessons I have learned over time from talking to wiser people such as friends, family etc. that have lived and learned:
-Make sure you know the person for at least four seasons, because that allows you enough time to see all angles of a person, that way you know more about what they are like…4 seasons people! Don’t start off walking around like Bey & J, then end up like Naz & Kelis.
-You know that old saying (my Mom has it on replay in my ear) “when a person tells you who they are believe them!” I agree, for example if they are outgoing social individuals they will most likely be like that throughout the relationship or if they have certain habits, the core of a person will unlikely change. If they are selfish, they will continue on that path. If they are generous, they will continue to be that way etc. etc
-Date, date, date & then date some more!! If you have yet to meet the one, then date. The more you date the wider your pool of people so that you are not boxed in to one type of individual and also you develop a keen sense of spotting bull$!@ if and when it arrives, by then you will know how to diplomatically shut that door.
– A person being too perfect scares me! Obviously nothing is perfect, if it seems too perfect then you will soon find out about the imperfections. But the whole point of relationships is figuring out what imperfections you are willing to deal with for the sake of love, the relationship and ultimately marriage. Figure out your deal breakers!
Everyone has their reasons for being in a relationship, you would think love and happiness is the ultimate goal (in my world it is) however it’s not always for those reasons, hell some people just need their rent paid, or are looking to upgrade their career or lifestyle via their partner. It’s unfortunate that there is deception lurking in the midst of love, but that’s life. It’s up to you to be proactive about your relationships just as you are in other areas of your life. Regardless of your reasons for your relationship I would read the article and peruse the questions, you may find a new question you never thought about asking or pondering.
Here’s to having the best relationship, regardless of the imperfections, but you have to do the work!
“Men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness.” Coco Chanel
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